You think you’ve found someone normal. One minute you're sipping wine, sharing stories, and thinking, "Wow, this is going great!"—and the next, you're worrying that your date is having some sort of medical emergency. This was the kind of date you look back on and think, "Ah, yes, I understand why you're single."
So, I once met a guy for drinks. The first hour? Amazing. Everything was clicking, the conversation was flowing, and I’m sitting there thinking, "Wow, no red flags yet, could this actually be real?"
Silly me.
After a beer, we go to another bar and settle in at this cosy candlelit corner table. I’m about two sentences in when... this guy’s eyes roll back in his head like he's channelling spirits from the other side. He’s making noises that sound like a sound effect from Crash Bandicoot and I’m just sitting there like, "is this guy having a stroke?"
Then it stops. He just... resets. So, I think, "Alright, maybe it was a weird twitch. Maybe Tourette's or something." I keep talking like nothing happened because, you know, politeness. A few more sentences in? BAM, round two: eyes rolling, weird noises, the whole thing.
By the third time, I’m like, "Okay, what’s happening here?" So I finally ask, "Errr... are you okay?" Because clearly, something is not right here.
And he looks at me, dead serious, and says, “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I was just imitating you. I do it to everyone. You’ll get used to it.”
USED TO IT? Darling, I don’t even know if I want to get used to texting you back anymore, let alone have mini-exorcisms mid-conversation. How many people has he done this to and thought it was fine? Am I supposed to just sit there, listening to my own story while you do some creepy impression of me like you’re auditioning for The Conjuring?
Needless to say, I spent the rest of the evening silent in fear, nodding at whatever he said, whilst sipping my wine. When the glass had finished, I made my excuse and bolted for the door. There was no getting used to anything.
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