Dating apps are brutal. Judging people based on a photo and a short bio is shallow, but hey, that's the world of modern romance. And let's be honest, our thoughts while swiping aren't exactly Nobel Prize material either. I know I'm guilty of having some awfully judgmental thoughts pop into my head while scrolling through countless faces, as I'm sure others have about me.
Why are you posing with a fish?
Am I meant to be impressed with the trout you caught with your mighty rod, George? Unless that fish can cook dinner and do the washing, I'm swiping left.
Which one is you?
A couple of group photos are great, it shows you have a social life. But when there are no single photos it's like a bad game of Where's Wally.
You are far too good-looking and no bio.
I know a red flag when I see one. Your personality is probably like watching paint dry. Next.
You don't drink?
We won’t get on. Bye.
You look short.
Ok, I know this is AWFUL. But as a lady standing tall at 5'9", I don't want to feel like I'm chaperoning a kids' birthday party. If you don't look the same height or taller than me, then it's a no. Sorry, bud!
Wow, a car!
Your bio didn't tell me you were a transformer!
Why are you wearing sunglasses in every picture?
I think you can tell a lot about a person from their eyes. Like whether they're an axe murderer or not. Next.
Not looking for anything serious.
Thanks for the heads up, but I don’t think we’re on the same page. Or even in the same book.
Another gym photo?
Because nothing says romance like sweat and protein shakes.
Oh, surprise, he likes hiking!
Seriously, does everyone hike now? Is sitting on the couch no longer cool? Bet he's also training for a marathon.
You need travel tips?
Ask John, Mark, and Tony who I've just swiped left on. They wanted to know the same thing.
Why do so many people want "a partner in crime"?
I don't think I'd be anyone's go-to partner for a quick getaway. My cardio is terrible and my bazungas would knock both of us out mid flee.
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