People I've been talking to this week

Published on 30 July 2024 at 10:59

Welcome, my fabulous readers, to the unpredictable world of online dating! This week, I've had the pleasure (and pain) of chatting with a variety of characters, each bringing their own unique flavour to my dating apps. 

The Italian Stallion

Ok, I don't actually know if this guy is Italian, but he certainly has "the look." The conversation was going great until he asked me what I was up to. I told him I was making a life-size elephant head (because what else do you do with your days?). His response? "Oh, like out of paper mashay?" Instantly, all I could see was Forrest Gump narrating our entire conversation. Run, Forrest, run—because I'm done.

The One Word Wonder

This guy's profile was a masterpiece, possibly written by his doting mother. So, imagine my surprise when Mr. Hemingway's bio matched with me, only to open with the ingenious, "Hey." It was all downhill from there. It didn't get much better from there "yeah, you?" and "nah" were his responses to my next 2 messages. By the end of it, my back ached from carrying the entire conversation, although the only workout I got was the mental gymnastics trying to keep it alive.

The Ruby

We'll call him this because he's doing pretty well so far and seems like a gem, but also because in one of his photos, he looks like he's got a bit of sunburn (poor guy, I feel your pain). But hey, he's got a good chat, can use punctuation correctly, and has asked if I'd like to go for a drink later. Do I accept? The thought of it makes me nervous. What if I end up looking like the Wicked Witch of the West melting in the heat? "I'm melting, I'm melting," isn't exactly the best first impression. Maybe I can suggest a nice, cool ice bar—both for his sunburn and my sanity.

 

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